Karl In Kindergarten: Honey, I Scanned The Kids <OR>
Karl in Kindergarten

"That's a wonderful idea, Karl. But will the bar codes imprint well on the kid's foreheads?" asked Marianne.

"Actually, I thought we could make up bar code name tags before your field trips, working off the parent approval list for each trip. Then we could slap the tags on the kids before they go to the bus."

"Great idea. We have a field trip to McDonald's a week from Thursday. Can you bring a prototype and help me test it then?"

I gulped. "You mean help as in the setup the labels, right?"

"No, Karl, I mean go on the field trip to fully test everything. See you Thursday morning."

I was afraid I'd get pulled in too deep, ever since Marianne asked me to figure out a good way to track her kindergarten kids during field trips. Bar codes looked like a good way, and I borrowed a portable reader that plugs into a keyboard on a laptop computer. The plan was to scan the kids every time they got on the bus, so we would know as soon as possible if one were missing.

Prepared for the worst, I opened the door to Marianne's kindergarten class. Amazingly, the kids were all sitting quietly and coloring. Taking my pre-printed labels, we stuck one on every child. We scanned them all, using numbers today rather than names. This was only a test, after all.

"Snack" said Marianne.

Decorum disappeared. Kids started on their milk and graham crackers like piranha. One pulled on my pants leg. "Hey, what's your favorite Ninja Turtle?" asked a little boy wearing a dinosaur t-shirt.

"My favorite what?"

"Your favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael, or Leonardo. Which one?"

"Say Leonardo, Karl, quickly," whispered Marianne.

When we scanned the kids as they got on the bus, we discovered a problem. Several kids had smeared crumbs over their bar code tags.

"Let's put the tags on their back, between their shoulder blades," said Marianne. "Quick, Karl, catch those two before they get away."

"What are you going to be when you grow up?" I asked the little boy and girl I was carrying back the to bus.

"An astronaut or a princess," said the little girl.

"A WWF wrestler, and punch people like this," said the little boy, whacking me on the head with his fist. "I'm tough, huh?"

"Karl, it's sweet for you to play with the kids, but come help me get them on the bus," called Marianne.

We moved all the bar code tags to their backs, scanned them all in, then we climbed on the bus. I picked an empty seat and plopped down.

"Waaaaaah!" cried the little girl next to me. "You sat on my friend! She's dead now!"

"There's no one here, I checked. Your friend must have moved."

"She's invisible. I hate you. Will you give me a cookie?"

"Marianne," I said wearily. "I'm out of the kid business."

"Don't give up now, Karl. If you behave in McDonalds, they'll give you a little hat and a toy."

James: This story got as much comment as any Karl I can remember. Interestingly, I don't think an editor changed a word of my submission. I wonder if there's a connection?

Inspiration came from close to home. My son was in second grade at the time, and I was "room mother" and helped with several parties and the field trip. My daughter, two and a half at the time, gave me the "astronaut or princess" line.

Randy said he had fun drawing this one. This is the first time Karl's hair came off, a theme repeated in future drawings. Many of the kids are Randy's de-aged friends and family, including the girl with a ponytail and glasses on the far right: Randy's wife Susann. Notice the vampire fangs on the kid gnawing on Karl's right leg. Ouch.