Karl Administers Financial CPR <OR>
Karl vs. the Price Shopper

"So, Karl, that's the story. We need these machines connected, and we need them soon," said Mr. Smedley, President of DFW Widgets.

"What's the highest priority: budget, performance, or time?" I asked, knowing the answer. They always say money is not the most important, until it comes time to pay for things.

"Well, performance and timeframe are the most important. Your friend Andy has cleaned up some of our programming, and we're anxious to get going. Let me show you around."

As we left the office, I noticed some Computer Shopper magazines, the Bible of the Budget Minded. Perhaps I should have asked Andy about this customer before I made the appointment...

"This is our Unix box, a 386/20 I got at a garage sale. Can you believe this box, with 8 MB of RAM and 200 MB disk for only $750? It's a great deal, even if a little slow."

"This must be your Novell file server," I said, pointing at a decrepid original IBM AT, a 286/8.

"That's right. We're using Novell 286, so I got that beauty at an auction for only $225. Great deal, right?"

"And these XT's are the workstations?"

"Good crisp characters on those monochrome screens, aren't there?"

Back in Mr. Smedley's office, the Dreaded Topic came up: How Much?

"It's going to be tough making this system function well with graphics and desktop publishing, unless you upgrade some hardware."  I noticed Smedley's lip start to quiver. "None of your PC's can support a graphic interface of any kind."  Sweat beads started forming on his forehead. "Big databases normally require a more powerful Unix system than you have now."  I could hear his knees knock together.

"And how about your rate, Karl. Are you as expensive as Andy?"

"I don't know what Andy charges, but I bill at $125 an hour."

Smedley began doing the best Fred Sanford/Redd Foxx imitation I've ever seen. He grabbed his heart, twirled, staggered, sat heavily back into his chair, and cried, "It's the big one! the big one!"

I jumped from my chair and ran toward him, asking, "Are you ok?"

The heart attack stopped abruptly. "I told Andy I couldn't afford any expensive consultants, but he said you were the best. Can you do this for $100 an hour? How about a flat rate quote?"

"You said that performance and timeframe were the most important..."

"I didn't mean it. For your rate, a $1000 a day, I can buy two more file servers and three XT workstations. What do you think about that!"

"I think you'll still need to connect them somehow. Let me get back to you with an estimate."  I escaped.

Back home, I called Andy before I took off my coat. "Why didn't you warn me about this guy?  What programming did you do for him?"

"Sorry, Karl, I meant to warn you. He hired my worst student at school to do a database. The kid dropped out after learning how to open, read, and index a file, but before he learned to close them properly. Every time you exit the application all the files crash."

"Should I go back, or is he too crazy to deal with?"

"Go back, but quote 15% higher than you want, and give him some negotiating room. He loves that. Did he do the heart attack for you?"

James: Cheap clients, or rather clients with expectations misaligned with their budgets, are always a problem. But look at the "bargain" price of $750 for a 386/20, back in the summer of 92. Isn't that hysterical? Andy in the story is Andy Feibus, another contributing editor at Open Systems Today at the time, who was a programmer and shared some of these details. Smedley is all too real: every cheap client is Smedley.