Karl Takes A Gamble On Integrity <OR>
Konsultative Selling Stinks

I was having a remarkable day - even beat Solitare (Las Vegas style) while on hold. At least technical support lines are good for catching up on Solitare, reading, mail, rebuilding Rome, etc. And Windows 3.1 may still be a pain, but Solitare keeps it loaded on my PC, even though there's no other Windows application running.

As I was drawing a new hand (up $72) the phone rang. "Karl's Konsultancy, this is Karl." Where can I put that 4 of Hearts?

"Karl, my friend, this is Stan from Three C Computer Networking Products. Have you examined the information I sent you about our Consultant Relations Program?"

"Ahhh, sure," I lied. "How can I help you today?"

"It's getting near the end of our sign-up period. Are you ready to be listed as one of our Consultant Partners?"

"Sure, that's fine. Do you my need info for your Consultants book?"

"Oh no, we've got all that. We have the info for our Consultants Listing Book, you're on the list for our mailings, I'll be your contact here at Three C Computer Networking Products, and I'll call you when our seminar comes to Texas. I just need your initial order amount."

Had I been playing with real rather than virtual cards, I would have dropped them all over the floor. "What 'initial order amount' are you talking about?"

"Well, you won't be much good as a consultant if you don't know our products, will you? Like the signup sheet said, each of our Consultant Partners must place an initial order of at least $1000 of equipment for demonstration purposes."

"I'm afraid you have me on the wrong list. I have no problem being listed in the consultants directory, but I'm not a retailer or stocking dealer. I'm a consultant that sells some equipment now and then, but not a storefront or dealer of any kind."

"We know you don't have a storefront, so we're thoughtfully providing a handy nylon carry bag with our logo."

"Are you crazy? I can't carry a bag with your logo into a customers' place. They'd think I was a dealer, not a consultant."

"Karl, my friend, there's no room for principles in the computer business today. You probably have an IBM notebook or bag around."

"Sure, IBM, of course. The only reason anyone goes to an IBM seminar is because they have the best goodies. But people know that a consultant would never recommend IBM just because of a pen or two."

"Well, everyone knows IBM but not us, so you need to have some hardware and software to leave with your customers for evaluation. Have I described our new Windows Mail program?"

"It doesn't matter what you describe, if my customers don't need it, I won't show it to them. Send me some literature or forget it."

"Karl, you're making me think you aren't going to be a good partner. The job of our Consultant Partners is to sell our product."

"No, the job of a consultant is to provide unbiased knowledge, experience, and problem solving skills to our customers."

"Gee, Karl, that's a very old-fashioned attitude. Get what you can when you can, that's my motto."

"Gee, Stan, did you used to sell used cars?  Or insurance?"

James: Reading this again, it seems like a slam on 3Com (I have a nice nylon bag with their logo), but it's really not. But the lines between consultants and dealers who say they are consultants has always been thin, and it seems to be getting thinner. Glad I have integrity as a humor writer, if only because no one wants to bribe us with anything. Hint, hint.