An Exorcism Sans The Pea Soup <OR>
The Deamons are Gaining

The system was installed, the approval tests had been done, and the SysAdm and his backup had been to class. I dropped by the Christian Psychological Association office to accept my pat on the back for a job well done. And the check, of course.

"Karl, my friend, there seems to be a little problem," said Dr. Heidegger, the SysAdm and manager of the association. "Some of our associates have a little problem with the system."

"No problem, Doc, I'll explain whatever they need to know."

Drs. Grayson and Benowitz came in together, but Benowitz spoke first. "Our system is haunted. You need to exorcise the CPU before we can pay your bill."

"Haunted?  Dr. Benowitz, I'm not sure I understand ..."

"It's right here on page 41 of Essential System Administration by Frisch," said Dr. Grayson, waving a book at me. "Daemons are in our system, and we want them out."

"That doesn't mean 'demons' like ogres or something," I said, laughing. "Daemons are just, ah, processes running on the system. They're just programs that start based on certain parameters, and they don't do anything until those conditions are met."

"That sounds like 'temptation' to us, not a computer process," said Dr. Benowitz. "Temptation waits until we're weak, then pounces."

"We are discussing whether the system is conscious," said Dr. Grayson. I flashed a picture from an old Frankenstein movie where the villagers all cross themselves while talking to the baron. I was relieved no one was carrying a pitchfork.

"I believe the system is conscious, and the terminals and the modem are it's eyes and ears to the outside world," said Dr. Benowitz.

I looked to Dr. Heidegger. He cleared his throat, and gave me a 'what can I do' look. "The word 'demon' is very old, Karl. In the Greek it's a divinity spirit between God and man, but in Latin it's an evil spirit." He shrugged.

"Well, have you folks lost any data?"  No, they all said. "How about color changes. Have the letters turned red or anything?"

"I have sent several jobs to the printer, and they never arrived," said Dr. Grayson. "Is that a sign of evil?  Seems strange to me."

"Well," I said, "If every system that lost a print job now and then were put to death, there would be no more computers."

"Karl," said Dr. Heidegger, "Could we confer a moment?"

We stepped over to the CPU in question. "Karl, please tell them something so they'll leave me alone about this. They drive me crazy."

I ran a quick couple of routines on the console, then stood up with amazement. "Aha! Gentlemen, you haven't set up security on the system yet. No wonder the daemons are loose."

Drs. Grayson and Benowitz crowded close around me as I worked. I went through several menus and several command line utilities before I got them confused.

"There," I said, standing back from the system. All I had done was add new prompts for the two doctors that said "secure system". "They're still there, but under control. We can't get rid of our demons; we can only hope to contain them."

James: Another old computer joke – daemon for demon. Being in Texas, religious conservatism is all around, but at least the state hasn't tried to ban evolution, like they have in Kansas.