All Wired Up And No Place To Go <OR>
Karl Gets Wired

"I can't believe how stupid some of these cable people can be," said Michael. "I'm just glad we're converting over to 10Base-T so they won't be able to install cable TV wire instead of thin Ethernet."

We walked while we talked, peering under every desk and into every cubicle to make sure the new wallplates were ready to be installed. Wires were hanging out, ready to be terminated. So far, so good.

"Top this," said Michael. "We had a maintenance guy that did our wiring for small jobs. I found all the wire loose and spread out everywhere. I asked him to coil it up, and he refused. He didn't want the electricity to get confused going in circles."

"Remember the guy from the phone company that was the medieval throwback? I asked. "He used a hand-held crossbow to shoot the wires through the ceilings."

"What's wrong with that?" asked Michael. "Sounds like quite a bit of initiative."

"It was, except he was using steel-tipped bolts to shoot the wire. He managed to stick it right in the middle of a power cable, and the current flowed back down the bolt to the wire to the cardboard box holding the spooled wire. Before the fuse blew it set fire to the box and the entire wiring closet went up in flames."

"We never set fire to anything that I know of," said Michael. "But when I was at that defense contractor the telecom and datacom people hated each other so much they would steal each others' wiring."

"Is that where you called me to help figure things out, and I got dial tone on what was supposed to be a 3270 mainframe connection?"

"That's the place," said Michael. "The bad part was the connection was for a manager, and he hadn't found out for about six months."

"Well, I'm glad we won't have any problems like that," I said. "You did hire the people I recommended, didn't you?"

Michael turned a little red around the ears. "Well, my manager put things out for bid, and Wally's Wiring beat their price."

I stopped dead in my tracks and grabbed Michael by the neck. "Tell me you're kidding. Wally's Wiring was the group that wired a customer with nothing but blue and gold wires, because that was the installers' high school colors. Never mind that they came from different pairs, and nothing worked until it was completely redone."

"But Karl," whined Michael, "You drew such a nice diagram, with all the colored lines for each connection in the wiring closet that I thought nothing could go wrong."

We ran down the hall, scattering secretaries to the side. As we got close, a tech in a gimme cap labeled "WW" rounded the corner.

"Glad I found you guys," he said. "I'm out of blue wire."

"What do you mean," Michael and I said in unison.

"Well, I made all the connections on this drawing with the green, red, purple, brown, and orange wires, but I'm out of blue."

Colorful spaghetti filled the closet, but 10Base-T patch cables were nowhere to be found. Every connection would have to be redone, and not by Wally's Wiring. I said to Michael, "Tell your manager it's the stingy person that pays the most."

James: These wiring problems are only slight exaggerations, believe it or not. I didn't do, er, see all of them myself, but the stories have come from reliable sources. The fellow using the crossbow was Doug, but I don't think he ever set fire to anything. I especially like the last line, which Open Systems Today cut. Ha! Revenge of the Writer!